Happy Holidays

Holidays. Even the word itself is a happy one. It conjures up images of white sandy beaches, over-priced cocktails and air conditioners blasting at maximum. However, given that my first holiday all year is in winter in one of the coldest states in Australia, my holiday’s sadly only consisted of over-priced cocktails. In spite of this, the break I have had as given me not only a renewed energy but also a renewed focus and drive to complete the one remaining semester than is left in my degree.

With my exams over and my stress levels and an all time low, I travelled to Brisbane to visit my family and friends. Seeing all the people I love most in the world was exactly what I needed! After one of the most difficult semesters of my degree and an interstate move to a new and unfamiliar city, I was both mentally and physically drained. The thought of another grueling semester was quite literally the least appealing concept I could think of.

Once I was back in the family home however, all my stress and worry over the next few months seemed to slowly ease. My Mum, who is by far both my biggest fan and source of support, immediately smothered me with words of love, kindness and support. “There’s only one semester left!”, “Look how far you’ve come already”,  “I know your tired but you’ve been through much worse and you can get through these last few months too” and her favorite pick me up “You’re my smart beautiful boy!”. With words like these, it is any wonder that after 10 days with her I left Brisbane, more confident and determined to finish my degree than ever?

Support and love like hers is something I’ve been lucky enough to enjoy my whole life, a fact I have taken for granted for most of my life. It’s both a sad and happy fact that all it took was six months apart and 10 incredible days together to make me realize that fact.

- Matt 

Busy and Proud

So let me give you a quick run down of what I have been up to over the last couple of months:

·     *   Working 3 jobs: Admin, Winery and Bistro

·     *   Clocking up 14 hours of simulated clinic and 2 hours of clinic per weeks

·     *   On top of the countless hours of lectures

·     *   Rehearsals every Monday, Wednesday and Sunday for The Wizard of OZ

·     *   Set-building every Tuesday and Saturday

·     *   Organizing Spectrum (Gay/Straight alliance) club fundraising and social events

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      But now I have time to breathe.

After a fantastic two weeks of Wizard of Oz performances (3 shows with a few seats empty and 4 full house) I can look back on my packed schedule and feel proud. I admit I still have a lot to achieve with exams coming up in a few weeks and the lead up to the Spectrum cellar door social in a few days, but time has drifted back into excess and I have no fears that I can handle what is to come. I personally find I get more done with more to do; I value time more the less I have to waste.

This year has been a process of things getting easier. As I reach and I complete more of my goals I have more time and effort to spend on those goals still remaining. I have gained skills, experiences and friendships that have made me a happier, more self-confident and more reliable person.

I am currently, in terms of my course, practicing my cavity preparations, studying materials and running through patient scenarios, getting ready for starting on patients next semester. The further I go with the course the more responsibility I am entrusted but I am sure I can handle whatever is thrown my way. I have the drive, the brains and now more than ever the support I need to not only go far in this course or my university experience, but most importantly in life.

By Nick Tarpey

You can do anything you want!

Hey everyone! 

How are you all? Sorry I haven't been blogging. Really busy lately, crunch time again :/. I miss all of you! So recently, I have decided to become a Highschool Biology, Science, Marine Studies teacher! I have come across this idea due to my breakdown I had in front of my biology teacher last term. I was so damn frustrated because I didn't know what the hell was being taught and I felt so vulnerable and inadequate. But she gave me a hug and told me that I can do it. That I can achieve anything I want. And with biology being my favourite subject, I really wanted to do well. 

So that afternoon I went home and went through all of my class notes and taught myself everything. 3 and 1/2 hours it took me. Then for the remaining two weeks before the 3 hr exam I studied about 13 and 1/2 hours, had tutoring with my teacher every morning, both lunch breaks and in the afternoon everyday for the last two weeks. I ended up passing the exam with a B+. I was ecstatic! Now this teacher helped me so much and I didn't have any friends last night because we all had a fall out. So I went to this teacher whenever I wanted. We chatted. She was now my friend. And I trusted her so much that one afternoon in tutoring I told her my whole life story. And nobody ever has heard that. 

So this teacher has made me want to become just like her. To help kids the way she has helped me. Now that it's mid-term, I'm struggling with our new assessment. I have to do a 10-15 minute speech on how biotechnology, such as stem cells, can cure my chosen topic which is Parkinson's Disease. But no. I'm not going to give up this time. I can do it. I will do it. I will pass with flying colours. Everyone. Don't ever give up. You can do whatever you stick your mind to. Stay happy. Keep doing what you do. 

Talk soon guys and girls.

Lots of love, 

Tish xoxo <3

By Tanisha Devene

Wear it PURPLE

If you ever read one of my blogs, I urge you to make it this. It is about an organisation that is doing great things for rainbow youth around Australia and the world.

Wear it purple (http://wearitpurple.org) is all about telling young people that they have the right to be proud of who they are. On their website it says "Wear it Purple exists in order to support sexuality and gender diverse (rainbow) young people at risk. Run by students, we aim to stop the ignorance, bullying and suicides." They are based in NSW however they are gaining popularity around the country and a number of people around the world have started to notice the group.

Wear It Purple came to existence in late 2010 as a tragic circumstance made it clear that things needed to change for LGBTIQ kids. In late September an 18 year old male in New Jersey took his life due to being 'outed' as being gay by his roommate who video streamed footage of his sexual encounter with another man on the internet without his knowledge. After this incident was highly reported on, numerous other stories of teenagers taking their lives due to bullying and homophobia were brought to light. Ellen Degeneres then made a public statement on her talk show about the incidents: 

"Something must be done. This month alone, there has been a shocking number of news stories about teens who have been teased and bullied and then committed suicide; like 13-year-old Seth Walsh in Tehachapi, California; Asher Brown, 13, of Cypress, Texas; and 15-year-old Billy Lucas in Greensberg, Indiana. This needs to be a wake-up call to everyone: teenage bullying and teasing is an epidemic in this country, and the death rate is climbing." 

Katherine Hudson and Scott Williams came up with an idea: for one day, they would encourage people everywhere to “wear it purple” in order to raise awareness about homophobic bullying and youth suicide. They wished for WIP to be a world-wide student led movement that annually expresses support and awareness to potentially save thousands of lives and change countless minds. 

The Wear It Purple Facebook page (https://www.facebook.com/wearitpurple) is always posting inspirational photos and quotes that bring hope to all who follow the page's activity. However the biggest activity of the organisation is Wear It Purple Day where everyone in schools, workplaces and the community are encouraged to wear purple for a day to show their support for students all over the world. Wear It Purple has also had a stall at Fair Day (which I volunteered my time at this year) which is helping build its reputation. This year we sold t-shirts and water bottles, had a lolly guessing competition, handed out flyers about WIP and made a few new friends. They have also been able to secure a place in the annual Sydney Mardi Gras parade for the last three years. I have marched with them all three times and loved every single moment of it! Better than Christmas! 

From now on, Wear it Purple day will be the last Friday in August so this year - AUGUST 30! You can pop it in your diary for years to come.

Get your school, uni workplace and friends involved and let everyone know how proud you are to be who you are and WEAR IT PURPLE!

 Get planning your WEAR IT PURPLE DAY for 2013! 

By DIBS

Networking - to be or not to be?

My mentor, Khai, recently invited me to the Sydney Gay and Lesbian Association’s mentoring programme launch. I’ve had to navigate in networking contexts before. Last year I was one of the delegates from Sydney Law School to the Australian Law Students Associate (ALSA) annual conference. In many ways the two events felt similar. In many ways the two events felt different.

At ALSA we were all subject to a 20 minute lecture by a managing partner of a large city law firm about the importance of networking. His speech reminded me of a scene from Confessions of a Shopaholic. Asked to write one thousand words on APRs, Rebecca proceeds to do some research. A few moments later her boss appears behind her and exclaims, “Rebecca… did you just type ‘good angles on APRs into Google?” Either that or he just copy and pasted the Wikipedia page on networking. His delivery then reminded me of a scene from the Simpsons.

Mr Burns: Did you get that report on the accounting department?

Homer: Yes sir, I did. "The accounting department is located on the 3rd floor. Its hours are 9am to 5pm. The head of this department is a Mr. Johnson or Johnstone."

Given his enthusiasm I do not think I could be faulted for not seizing the opportunity to market myself to my fellow peers. Bring together a few hundred law students there will be natural diversity of course. Some, like myself and fellow Pinnacle Scholar Veronica Mason, will devote our attention to the mooting and skills competitions. Others will be there for a week of revelry. But at the end of the day you could naturally begin with questions like “which law school are you from” and remark about the differences between their curriculum and yours. You take out your phone and you say, “hey we should add each other on Facebook!” Then you go off to use the bathroom or get another drink and you avoid that person for the rest of the night because you don’t want to talk to them again. That would be awkward. If you bump into them in the hotel lobby the next day, you nod your head in acknowledgement, smile, wave, say hi, but you do not slow down (in fact, quicken your pace in case there was any doubt in their mind about your intentions) and hope you’re not catching the same tram as them. 

Among the company of Sydney’s gay and lesbian business community my enthusiasm for networking was not exactly rekindled. I remember asking Khai at the beginning of the evening, “Do I just go up to people and ask them ‘so, what do you do’? That seems a little rude”. There is a modesty I am accustomed to, both with asking about another person’s private affairs and volunteering information about my own. So without Khai to tell everyone about my clerkship and my judge’s associateship I do not think I could have represented myself in the best light. But because Khai did, everyone was really nice and genuinely engaged me in my life and my achievements. My opinion of networking has recovered.

Society demands networking apparently. It is, at least in business, a fact. An aversion to social interaction with strangers is seen as something shameful by most people. All of my close friends have confessed to me that they feel similarly while admiring my ability to engage strangers in conversation. I don’t feel the need to resolve the question whether my friends and I are in the minority with our anxiety. But I am confident enough to admit it and try my best to overcome it.

By Nathan Li

Finding My Feet

Starting at a new University is a lot like starting at a new school. For most kids, this happens when they move from Primary to High School at a time where they are just discovering their own personal identity. During my move to Sydney and my subsequent arrival at a new University campus, the only benefit I had over a pre-pubescent teenager was that I already new who I was and who I wanted to be. Aside from this, my first day at my new Campus was just as terrifying as my first day at High School. I had no idea where to go, where to eat, where the bathroom was or who could potentially be a new friend.
Like my first day at High School, I was terrified that I would receive no help in getting my bearings and that the friends and guidance I longed to find would only be discovered after a lot of work and a lot of time. This fear proved to be completely unfounded! Not only were my new classmates helpful but they were downright friendly and caring! They showed me around, walked me to my classes and reassured me that my new campus would feel like home in no time at all. 
How right they were. In what seemed like no time at all, I had an amazingly strong and supportive group of friends who seemed not only happy to both guide me in my last year of Primary Education but also support me in finding my feet in both a new city and a new education system. To my surprise, this support has not faded since the first few weeks of my first semester at my new campus but has continued despite me well and truly finding my feet in Sydney. 

Thanks to the new friends I’ve made at ACU, this last semester at Uni has not only been the most enjoyable but also the most academically successful year of my degree so far. My success isn’t just because of my renewed drive and passion for my career but because of all the new friends I have made since my move to Sydney and all the support, time and care they have given me since my first day at ACU Strathfield.
To all these wonderful new friends I offer these words. 
“Friendship isn't about whom you have known the longest... It's about who came, and never left your side”.

By Matt Russo

Breathe Through Your Nose

Imagine. You’re perfectly healthy. You have your good days and bad days, like most people. Only thing is, your bad days are far worse and far more frequent than most people. Sometimes things get so bad that you can barely breathe. It affects your quality of life. The worst part is that your illness is not easy to talk about. You don’t (usually) look sick.

Sometimes it strikes you in public. You’re having a bad day, something sets you off and one thing leads to another. The next minute you’re in a foetal position struggling to remember the breathing exercises your Psychiatrist taught you. Something about breathing through your nose. You’re crying and you’re not entirely sure why. Your chest feels ready to explode. If you survive this you might make it to work/uni/the party on time, right now you don’t care. You just want the world to stop for a minute so you can catch your breath.

I learned when I was diagnosed with this Anxiety Disorder that people can be cruel. They’ll sympathize with the kid who broke his leg or the girl who has severe diabetes. But when it comes to mental illness it’s out of sight out of mind. Don’t talk about it or you will suffer both the illness and peoples’ reactions to it, and stigma hurts. If people ask you why you’ve gained weight or vomit a lot or miss days off school or work, tell them you’ve got a virus. Don’t explain. They don’t want to know that your medication makes you ill or your anxiety is so bad that you can barely get out of bed, let alone leave the house. You’ll have a lot of viruses as a result.

They do care about you. But mental illness scares them, in part because they can’t see obvious physical signs of it. Seeing is believing in Western culture and as a result mental illness isn’t seen as real, except when you self-harm or your physical health suffers.

Well, after a decade of this, I’m pretty tired. Being tired at the age of 19 is not fun. I’ve been sick, made myself sick, missed school, failed classes, been physically and verbally assaulted, self-harmed, have scars, survived suicidal episodes, bad medication side effects (some of which are too graphic to write about here), last year I lived through the suicide of a family member, despair and the constant question: ‘when do I get better?’

I decided on my 18th birthday I wasn’t going to uphold the status quo by being quiet about my Anxiety Disorder. It wouldn’t be fair to me or the other people I know with mental illnesses, many of whom are LGBT. I’d like to think that honesty is the best policy and that it might help someone, somewhere. I know it helps me.

I’m not going to lie to you: I still struggle. I’m not depressed any more but the anxiety remains. There are days when I would rather eat my shoes than put them on and leave the house. Days like those I breathe deeply and remember that my phone has a lot of numbers in it. I can press a button and instantly be connected to someone who will listen. Honesty has allowed me to connect with people who can both support me and need my support. I feel loved.

I know that I am a strong, resilient person and that my struggle to get healthy is not in vain. I also know that mental health problems are extremely common amongst gay, lesbian, queer and trans* people. If we break the silence and support each other more, we can only get stronger as a community. And I know I love my community.

By Isobel Connell

My Trans Man Journey

*Note: this blog contains a post-surgery photo*

Let me take this opportunity to introduce myself. I’m 21 years old and a peer support worker in the mental health sector. There is no career that I want to do other than to be a psychologist. I find mental health interesting and I want to do all that I can to help others. I’m also a male who was born female bodied. Since starting testosterone a couple of years ago, people I meet would never guess that I wasn’t born male bodied.

I was awarded a Pinnacle scholarship in late 2011. It couldn’t have come at a better time. At that point in my life, I was saving every bit of money that I could for my chest corrective surgery. I dreaded puberty since I first heard about what was going to happen to my body. I cringed at the thought of bleeding monthly and was terrified that my chest would grow into something that wasn’t me. I convinced myself that it wouldn’t happen because it wasn’t supposed to. But unfortunately my body betrayed me.

I used to wear 3 t shirts, a jumper and a jacket to hide my chest. I was so ashamed of it. Then when I heard about binders (which are garments that compress the chest really tight), I got one. It made my chest flat and I was less ashamed of it. But when I started taking testosterone, my voice broke and I started growing lots of body hair. It felt even more like my chest didn’t belong even when binding. Binding was very painful and I felt jealous that I couldn’t take my shirt off at the beach like every other guy could.

It all built up on me and I needed to have my chest corrected. I looked at my options. I didn’t have $7,000 to pay for the surgery and I didn’t have a job or any family support. My only option was to get health insurance, wait the compulsory year on it which I thought would be enough time to save up a few thousand dollars to pay for the surgery. The wait and having no money was unbearable. I become very depressed but I pushed through because I kept imagining how great it would feel to have the right chest. It ended up costing a total of $4,140. I realised that I wouldn’t be able to come up with the money in time for payment so I held a fundraiser and I ended coming up with the money through that and donations from friends.

The surgery was a complete success and the surgeon said it couldn’t have gone better. It was such a relief to hear that all the time I spent in the gym preparing my body for it and all the time I spent broke worked out. When I saw my chest for the first time, I hadn’t smiled that big in a long time.

How Pinnacle helped me build my library

I had to leave home for uni, because my family home was in Kalgoorlie, more than 600km from Curtin University, in Perth. Having wanted to be a librarian since a small child, where I studied was non-negotiable, so I was always expecting to need to leave home. However, as I spent my gap year using up my savings in Europe as a Rotary Exchange Student, I had nothing left when I eventually moved to the big bad city, to start my new life. My parents have always been low income earners, and could barely support me. It was because of this I started applying for every scholarship I could lay my eyes on.

Among them was the Pinnacle Foundation. I applied for enough funds for a new computer, textbooks, and software. I cannot say how relieved I was. I knew this scholarship was going to help me get through uni, I didn’t realise it was going to change my life.

The first thing that happened was my new laptop. The computer I had purchased back in high school was on its last legs, and was only just chugging along. So when Pinnacle helped replace it, I was able to give my old one to my younger sister, who was a Year 12 TEE student, and still sharing a PC with two other students. It wasn’t a great machine, but it was still a computer she could call her own. Also, I could now run library-specific software on my new laptop that I couldn’t before.

My mentor is an amazing woman called Robyn. Unlike most Pinnacle Mentors, Robyn is not from the same profession as me (I suppose they didn’t have any librarians listed as Pinnacle Mentors back then…), but despite that, she has been an amazing life coach, mentor, sounding board, and friend. I really cherish everything she has done from me. Around once a month, she picks me up, and we go for a coffee or a meal somewhere, and just talk. Everything from queer politics, to my uni course, to my love life. I also have learnt a lot about queer history from her. This year, she took me to the International Women’s Day Breakfast. Also, when I thought I had to move house, she offered to help me look. When I bought a new bookcase, she drove out with me to pick it up, so I could save money on delivery. And anyway she can see an opportunity to help me, she does. It has been amazing, and I hope to continue our friendship long after our formal Pinnacle Mentorship relationship has ended,

Pinnacle are also helping me attend a number of conferences, relevant to my profession and interest. Last year, they paid for my rego for the 5th New Librarians Symposium, held in Perth. Next month, I am going to Adelaide for the Children’s Book Council Biannual. And, should my paper get accepted, The Pinnacle Foundation have agreed to help me partially fund a trip to Amsterdam in August, for the International Conference on the Future of LGBTI Histories, in Archives, Libraries, Museums and Special Collections!

We are expected to be pro-active in supporting the Foundation though. Last year, I attended the annual Queer Collaborations conference for Australian students, which Curtin hosted. There, another Pinnacle scholar, Veronica, did a presentation on the Foundation, and handed out info of applying for scholarships, with myself and Iz supporting her. We were actively advertising Pinnacle throughout the conference. More than one person at that workshop is now a Pinnacle Scholar.

Above all, it has changed my life. I can never thank enough the donors, and the volunteers, for everything they have done for me, and for making the Pinnacle Foundation what it is. 

By Suzie Day - you can follow Suzie's own blog at www.cataloguethis.com/

 

Photos in My Window

My name is Ashleigh and this is a photo of my bedroom window.

One day I will become a radiographer, and then maybe another day I will become qualified in MRI or CT imaging. My partner is not the biggest fan of using the windows to display pictures of bones of people she doesn’t know, but for the most part she puts up with them because they remind me that the light at the end of the tunnel is a degree, a job and being able to do something I love every day. 

I took these radiographs during my very first clinical placement in 2010.  My favourite is the smaller one on the left window, an AP PEG open-mouth image. At the time, these images were a source of pride, a reminder that I could do just as well as anyone else who was doing the same course as me. A reminder that I had achieved just as much, if not more then those students who had a comfy bed to sleep in, financial and emotional support and enough food during these five weeks of unpaid placement. I slept on the floor of a friends place for the 5 weeks and ate rice for every meal, but I did well enough in my placement for me to feel proud of myself.

At the end of 2011, Pinnacle came into my life when I was working 6 days a week, although often for 14 days or more in a row. It took me a year to recover financially from the placement, and Pinnacle entered my life at a time when I was about to give up on my education, and focus on just being able to afford the rent and food in the same week.

I was teetering on the edge of living my greatest fear -  that I will just ‘get by’ in life. That I will end up ‘just’ waitressing everyday for the rest of my life, ‘just’ making rent, ‘just’ making it. That I will plod through life, doing something that disintegrates my enthusiasm, kills my brain cells, and refuses to allow me the opportunity to hope and dream of bigger and better things.

Pinnacle has seemingly scooped me up from the floor, dusted me off, handed me some hope and given me a gentle shove back in the right direction. They have patched up some holes where my self-esteem obviously fell out, and are doing their damnedest to make sure that my potential stays firmly in my pocket, and doesn’t self-destruct in a moment of panic. Pinnacle has given me gifts that most students take for granted; encouragement, support, confidence, hope, financial stability and the ability to believe in myself.

By Ashleigh Scriven