To apply or not to apply

When I was completing my application for the Pinnacle scholarship, I gave up at least four times. And when I mean I gave up, I mean gave up emphatically. Throwing the papers away, crying in frustration, deleting the whole thing, emphatically. 

The first time, it was because I had convinced myself that if I just gave myself another 6 months, I could save up the money to buy a laptop myself. I told myself to get over it, get more hours at work and work harder. I told myself that I was taking the easy way out, asking for a handout. My partner slammed that excuse down in a matter of hours, bringing home the fine point that we had already spent one year attempting to make do using the same laptop, and that the very reason I was applying for the scholarship was because it was a large expense that I needed to use DURING my university course.( She was right, it would have taken me probably the whole duration of my course to save up for the one I eventually got from Pinnacle.)

The second emphatic binning of the application came a few weeks later, after agonising over the section of academic achievement. This section forced me to look at what i had been capable of in the past, and really hit home that since the absence of financial and emotion support from a maternal and paternal point of view, I had struggled. This realisation sent me into a spin of hopelessness, having stupidly talked myself into believing I was on a downhill slide into nothingness. Again, my partner put the brakes on that track, using the brilliant logic that THIS IS WHY YOU ARE APPLYING FOR THE BLOODY SCHOLARSHIP IN THE FIRST PLACE. (She was right, the Pinnacle foundation looks for determination, resourcefulness, and potential. The reason they exist is to give a leg up to students who desperately want an education, but are struggling to complete it. Sometimes the circumstances you may find yourself in don't allow academic achievement RIGHT NOW, but that certainly doesn't mean you haven't had academic achievement in the past, or that you won't in the future, especially with some assistance.)

The third tantrum ensued when I came to the section of Personal and/or social circumstances which present significant challenges to undertaking and completing education. After a long period of writers block ( or possibly just plain avoidance) , this section rocked me from top to bottom, and forced me to think about and put into words a period of my life I try my hardest to block out and not deal with.

Pinnacle scholars may seek this scholarship for many different reasons. It can be anything from needing some educational support, or because the university you need to go to means moving away from your loving family into a new and unfamiliar location. It could be because your family doesn't want to provide financial or emotional support, or because your family just can't provide financial support to cover the textbooks this year. It could be because you could do with some guidance and advice form someone in the career you hope to be in one day, or because you want to undertake a conference that could significantly enhance your career opportunities. It could be because you have personal hurdles in front of you, emotional hurdles behind you, or social hurdles underfoot. If the challenge to your education is hard to talk about, push through, because while it may be hard to write, the people that read it are understanding and unfortunately familiar with the large variety of challenges which face young LGBTI.

Before the fourth giving up episode, I did have one minor tantrum regarding the references, in which I deplored I couldn't find any. Or rather, couldn't find anyone I willingly wanted to have to explain my situation to. This excuse for why my application was yet again deleted, was combatted with :You won't find anyone if you don't ask. (Upon putting my stubbornness aside and explaining why I needed some help from a former school teacher, he has since become a fixture in my life, and provides stability and advice for anything from university courses to rental queries. If I hadn't checked my pride and asked for help, I would have missed out on having this person in my life. If people don't know you are struggling, they can't help you.)

The fourth and final tantrum was once I had finally completed the application, and my emphatic excuses had dwindled into a sorry-looking, dejected one: Whats the point, it won't be accepted anyway. I applied in November 2011. I am now a proud 2012 Pinnacle scholar, and have been granted a brand new laptop, four brand new, beautiful textbooks and a host of other educational costs. Pinnacle also arranged a mentor for me, from the profession I one day hope to be employed in, who is unrestricted and extremely generous in her advice and assistance.

There are likely many reasons which your mind will talk you into believing are very good reasons why you shouldn't waste your time applying for this scholarship, and whether the reason is shame, embarrassment, pride, the thought of getting your hopes up for nothing, stubbornness, or just a negative outlook it makes no difference. The one reason why you SHOULD put in an application, and the one that outweighs all the reasons why not, is because you have nothing to lose, and more importantly, you have everything to gain.


Ashleigh Scriven



To download an application, go to the Pinnacle Scholarships Page.

Start getting it together, the sooner the better. Applications for 2013 study close : 15 October 2012

Post-Equal Marriage

Equal marriage has become one of the most topical issues facing our country today – and rightly so. Very rarely does another topic touch the very constitutions of our society and its beliefs regarding equality, justice and dignity.

I would be one of the first to readily admit that I await my Mr Darcy to come along and sweep me off my feet right into the nearest chapel. But tight now, such a dream is not available to me. On the current state of the law, some people are denied the opportunity to celebrate their commitment publicly, not for want of love and affection, fidelity and devotion, but because some other people have said that they shall not. It is, in some bitter irony, truly a struggle between pride and prejudice.

The marriage equality movement is important for two reasons. Directly, it is a movement that aims to secure a civil right. Indirectly it engenders in our society a certain type of discourse where justice and equality take the spotlight.

Justice is an idea. An idea, like a seed, can grow into something big, something strong and powerful. As a seed grows into a tree it bears fruit for all enjoy. So too the labours of civil libertarians will benefit society as a whole. But the seed needs fertile soil, it must be watered and tended to. Same then for ideas - they are mute without their advocates. Our liberal democratic society is fertile soil for justice. If we persevere in our cause, justice will yield the fruit of equality.

This is the hope upon which I ride when I support equal marriage. But at the same time, I am conscious not to lose sight of the battles ahead. We should remember the energy that we gave for our cause, because that is the same energy that we should give to any other cause to advance the welfare of our fellow Australians. Remember especially the energy that our friends and our families gave to supporting our cause, because we should fight for their cause with the same dedication of theirs to ours.

We should keep in mind demographics like youth, Indigenous Australians, immigrants, the elderly, and all those who are on the margins of society. Why should they not enjoy the fruits of equality alongside us and all other Australians? Indeed there are not an insignificant number of us in the LGBT community who fall into one or more of those above demographics. If we stand for diversity, then we should embrace its every facet. Prejudice must necessarily be defeated before we can embrace pride in diversity.

To this end we should recognise that equal marriage is only one facet of discrimination in our society. There is an old adage that there is no rest for the wicked. We must be vigilant against mischief and social injustice. Until the last Australian can walk proudly with their head held high and free from prejudice, we too cannot rest.

My Trans Man Journey

*Note: this blog contains a post-surgery photo*

Let me take this opportunity to introduce myself. I’m 21 years old and a peer support worker in the mental health sector. There is no career that I want to do other than to be a psychologist. I find mental health interesting and I want to do all that I can to help others. I’m also a male who was born female bodied. Since starting testosterone a couple of years ago, people I meet would never guess that I wasn’t born male bodied.

I was awarded a Pinnacle scholarship in late 2011. It couldn’t have come at a better time. At that point in my life, I was saving every bit of money that I could for my chest corrective surgery. I dreaded puberty since I first heard about what was going to happen to my body. I cringed at the thought of bleeding monthly and was terrified that my chest would grow into something that wasn’t me. I convinced myself that it wouldn’t happen because it wasn’t supposed to. But unfortunately my body betrayed me.

I used to wear 3 t shirts, a jumper and a jacket to hide my chest. I was so ashamed of it. Then when I heard about binders (which are garments that compress the chest really tight), I got one. It made my chest flat and I was less ashamed of it. But when I started taking testosterone, my voice broke and I started growing lots of body hair. It felt even more like my chest didn’t belong even when binding. Binding was very painful and I felt jealous that I couldn’t take my shirt off at the beach like every other guy could.

It all built up on me and I needed to have my chest corrected. I looked at my options. I didn’t have $7,000 to pay for the surgery and I didn’t have a job or any family support. My only option was to get health insurance, wait the compulsory year on it which I thought would be enough time to save up a few thousand dollars to pay for the surgery. The wait and having no money was unbearable. I become very depressed but I pushed through because I kept imagining how great it would feel to have the right chest. It ended up costing a total of $4,140. I realised that I wouldn’t be able to come up with the money in time for payment so I held a fundraiser and I ended coming up with the money through that and donations from friends.

The surgery was a complete success and the surgeon said it couldn’t have gone better. It was such a relief to hear that all the time I spent in the gym preparing my body for it and all the time I spent broke worked out. When I saw my chest for the first time, I hadn’t smiled that big in a long time.

Empowering People

I first fell in love with the cause of empowerment back in 2010 when I was 17 and, having just graduated school, spent a good portion of my gap year volunteering at a school in Nepal. I lived in a house on the outskirts of Kathmandu with 12 girls from all around the world. To tackle the mammoth task of feeding us all, my host family had hired a maid; Fulmaija, who was just 16, didn’t speak a word of English, and was being paid 6000 rupees ($75) a month.

As my Nepali began to improve, and Fulmaija started to pick up on the English which was constantly being spoken around her, we began to communicate. Soon, all of us in the house were great friends with Fulmaija, relishing in her cheeky company. We used to dress her up in our old clothes we had brought over, and laughed as she had her first taste of vegemite. Fulmaija was incredibly intelligent, and I have no doubt that had her family decided to keep her in school, she would have gone on to do phenomenal things as an educated woman.

Towards the end of our time together, Fulmaija began to recieve frequent calls from a strange man offering her highly paid ‘maid work’ in India, until one day, she disappeared, never to be seen by us again. What I have learned since then, is that Fulmaija is almost certainly being forced to engage in sex work in the brothels of India, like thousands of other young Nepali girls her age each year. The rate of HIV infection is high, as is suicide and unwanted pregnancy amongst these girls.

As Fulmaija’s likely fate sunk in, I began to think about how any society could place so little value on women that things like this were just allowed to happen…

When I say “began to think”, I began to think a lot. Then I began to research. A lot. What I found, was that many of the developing world’s problems are, so some degree, a result of gender inequality. If we could just find a way to empower women, stories like Fulmaija’s wouldn’t exist to be told.

Opportunities for empowerment are everywhere. If we lived in a world where young gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender, intersex and queer people could all feel empowered by their sexualities right from the get go, we would greatly eliminate the appalling rates of depression, suicide and alienation experienced by members of our community.

Right now, I’m studying a Bachelor of Justice at Queensland University of Technology, due to be completed in the middle next year. What I love most about my degree is that almost every unit is looking at ways to empower those who are disadvantaged. Hopefully, I’ll go from this on to do my honours year looking at human trafficking intervention practices, and then maybe a PhD after that.

For the moment, Pinnacle is empowering me to make this happen. I can’t begin to describe how wonderful it feels to have the support of the Foundation behind me. To start this semester not worrying about how I was going to find the extra money for textbooks, or how I was going to manage to nab one of the university’s highly elusive shared PC’s to work on during the day was an enormous relief. More exciting that this though, is knowing that I am part of a generation of GLBTIQ young people who Pinnacle will continue to empower.

By Harriet Horsfall

Where I am at now

Looking back at about seven months ago, it is more than clear that receiving a Pinnacle Scholarship has turned my life around. Seven months ago I had absolutely no idea I would end up studying Youth Work and Alcohol & Other Drugs at RMIT University, and have an amazing mentor. At that time I was experiencing accommodation instability and started to not believe in myself. I began thinking about giving up on my hopes and dreams and re-prioritising my goals.

Receiving a Pinnacle Scholarship means more to me than the financial assistance with course fees and materials. Don’t get me wrong, it has saved me from great financial stress and provided me with relief; however it is the fact that someone saw something in me and believed in me that made me feel that there is hope. So I decided then I was not going to give up that easy.

Now I’m doing well in my courses and have an awesome placement working with a very diverse and creative group of same-sex attracted young people. I love this placement so much it does not feel like work at all. My partner sometimes gets a bit annoyed that I do not spend a lot of time at home due to classes and placement commitments, but she knows that in the end it would be all worth it and she sees that I am happy.

My mentor Lauren is an incredible lady. I honestly could not have asked for a better mentor. She simply ROCKS! Lauren has done so much for me in the past few months. Not only does she assist me with my assignments and finding placement opportunities, she also took me to my first professional development conference about mental health and social media. This challenged me a little because I have never been around so many professionals before. I’m glad she did take me because shortly after that my placement supervisor out of the blue asked me to attend the Hume City Council’s launch of their Youth Counselling Service on his behalf. I was more confident with meeting other professionals and networking with them.

Lauren has also helped me solve my first ethical dilemmas as a Youth Worker such as: boundaries and being torn between being a friend and a worker. I’m extremely lucky to have Lauren as my mentor. She is kind, hilarious and great to talk. I hope to stay in touch with her after the mentorship. I could go on for ages about the awesomeness of Lauren but I guess you get the idea that she is my idol, so I will stop here.

Being a Pinnacle Scholar is a great honour and privilege. It changed the way I perceived my life. When I officially start working in the community services sector I would not hesitate in recommending the Pinnacle Foundation to my future clients to help them achieve their full potential and get them where they would like to go in life.

By Laura Partington