I really did not know what to expect from the first Pinnacle Induction Day, but I certainly did not expect to meet and hang out with so many lovely and inspiring people. The night before at the hostel was kind of strange to me, the girls in my dorm and I stayed up late talking and sharing jokes. It was the first time ever I felt like I was one of the ‘girls.’ To feel accepted by a group of people who you have never met before was amazing. Other than the social aspect we had some great guest speakers and workshops.
Peter Baldwin’s session during the induction on dealing with stress, anxiety and shame really struck a few chords and provided me with some insight on myself.
Sometimes the “I’m not good enough stories” my brain tells me causes me to not try my absolute best or even completely avoid something. I fear if I do really try and do not succeed it may reinforce the “I’m not good enough” story my brain continuously tells me. Therefore I buy into them.
I loathe public speaking because my brain tells me “I’m not smart enough.” I have to force myself at times when I cannot avoid it and hope that I do not stutter or waffle on and say something silly or embarrassing.
I remember the night before my driving test I was so nervous I did not sleep at all. I felt almost certain I was going to fail. However I passed and got my license, then I thought why did I wind myself up over nothing? Why the hell do I do this to myself?
It is so annoying that my brain thinks it is being helpful by telling me these stories when it is actually doing the complete opposite. I guess I am my own worst critic and hindrance to achieving what I would like to achieve.
One of my goals for this year is to work on accepting these stories as just stories regardless of whether they ring any truth or not and perhaps work on my confidence. Now that I am aware of this I am sure I will make some progress.
I would like to thank the Pinnacle crew, mentors, scholars, and everyone else who rocked up for an awesome weekend and making it happen; I wish it did not have to end.
By Laura Partington
Growing up I had a pretty bleak view of my future as a gay man. The world, as I saw it, was one filled with hate, intolerance and death. For those in the LGBT community, these three things seemed to me, to be not only inevitable, but also certain. Despite my large and supportive group of friends and the high marks I received in school, I thought that no one (especially not my family) would ever accept or love me once they knew who I was.
How very wrong I was.
Coming out for me was one of the most loving and incredible experiences of my life and in what seemed like no time at all, I had almost all of my friends and family standing strong by my side. This love gave me an incredible strength and confidence to face the world outside of the one I knew; the one that glitters and dazzles, the ‘gay’ world. Completely out of my comfort zone, I threw myself into every event, club and march possible, desperate to understand and experience a part of myself I had hidden and denied for so long. However, as the novelty of this new world slowly began to fade I found myself longing for more.
Once again my education became my focus and with my renewed passion for the LGBT community I began the second year of my degree in education as an out and proud gay man, determined to make a difference in the lives of LGBT teachers and youth. Unlike my first time coming out, I found the academic community lacking in support and an absence of LGBT peers, who like me strived to make the world a better place. Once again, I felt alone and the hope I once felt for not only my own future, but also others like me slowly began to dissipate.
Now that I have found The Pinnacle Foundation and met my fellow scholars that hope has come back with a force that I haven’t felt since my 80 year old Nanna, held my hand, looked me in my eyes and said (in her very broken English) that she would always love me, no matter who I chose to love. To the foundation I say thank you for your incredibly kind support and unwavering passion for education. To my fellow scholars I say thank you for giving me back my hope for not only my future but for the future of all kids, whether they be LGBT or not. If your passion, commitment and dedication to your careers are any indication for the future of equality in all areas of this country, there is no reason for I or any other LGBT youth to ever feel hopeless again.
