Induction Day

I really did not know what to expect from the first Pinnacle Induction Day, but I certainly did not expect to meet and hang out with so many lovely and inspiring people. The night before at the hostel was kind of strange to me, the girls in my dorm and I stayed up late talking and sharing jokes. It was the first time ever I felt like I was one of the ‘girls.’ To feel accepted by a group of people who you have never met before was amazing. Other than the social aspect we had some great guest speakers and workshops.

Peter Baldwin’s session during the induction on dealing with stress, anxiety and shame really struck a few chords and provided me with some insight on myself.

Sometimes the “I’m not good enough stories” my brain tells me causes me to not try my absolute best or even completely avoid something. I fear if I do really try and do not succeed it may reinforce the “I’m not good enough” story my brain continuously tells me. Therefore I buy into them.

I loathe public speaking because my brain tells me “I’m not smart enough.” I have to force myself at times when I cannot avoid it and hope that I do not stutter or waffle on and say something silly or embarrassing. 

I remember the night before my driving test I was so nervous I did not sleep at all. I felt almost certain I was going to fail. However I passed and got my license, then I thought why did I wind myself up over nothing? Why the hell do I do this to myself?

It is so annoying that my brain thinks it is being helpful by telling me these stories when it is actually doing the complete opposite. I guess I am my own worst critic and hindrance to achieving what I would like to achieve.

One of my goals for this year is to work on accepting these stories as just stories regardless of whether they ring any truth or not and perhaps work on my confidence. Now that I am aware of this I am sure I will make some progress.

I would like to thank the Pinnacle crew, mentors, scholars, and everyone else who rocked up for an awesome weekend and making it happen; I wish it did not have to end.

By Laura Partington

Expectations- Part I

I’ve been through a lot of difficult situations in my life. The death of my mother, an abusive upbringing, bullying at school, leaving home at 16, and living as a transguy. None of those experiences prepared me for the emotional roller coaster I would experience upon entering college.

I planned, prepared for and looked forward to university with infallible optimism. The fact that I was about to put 500km between myself and my partner of 6 months didn’t even dent it, that's how excited I was. My imagined scenarios of being challenged about my gender and sexuality always ended with me winning and other people feeling foolish. I was sure that I would study hard and find everything interesting and surely succeed in the end.

Someone recently said to me that after your first year at university, the way you see the social world will totally change. I absolutely believe them. When you’re in high school, you feel like everyone is looking at you, and you’re right. The world is small, there are rules and expectations, and you can plan your path with near precision. When you start uni, you feel like there are even more people looking at you, when in reality, they probably haven’t even noticed you exist (unless you do something really fantastic or really terrible). The world is very, very big, rules and expectations are relative and arbitrary, and forget about planning. With one point of view, this can be really scary. With another, it can be freeing.



I’ll tell you, at first, I found it really scary, and I still do, a fair bit. I’ve been feeling incredibly self conscious. I’ve been feeling like everyone thinks I’m a lesbian and I’ve been pretty antisocial towards actual lesbians who have been nice to me, as well as everyone else in general. Now, being a lesbian is far from a bad thing, but the fact is that I’m not one. The assumption that I identify as, and am attracted to women, when I’m the polar opposite is painful. As a result, the way I have felt and acted has been very defensive, sitting alone, not talking to people, and not making eye contact, for fear of being accused of being someone I’m not or doing something I wouldn’t do.

My other issue with university is college life. The whole messy, noisy, drunken, smelly rabble of college life. I’ll be honest- its really not my thing, but its pretty much my only option at the moment. I’ve had plenty of clashes with other people over how much noise they’re making when I’m trying to sleep or study, the fact that there is often vomit and urine in really inappropriate places, the amount of rubbish in the common rooms and the stench in the communal facilities. None of those clashes have been particularly productive, and I’ve been left feeling angry, disappointed, disgusted, and sometimes plain miserable.

So these two issues are what I have been faced with. Don’t think for a moment that I’m overcome by them though. The last few days have been a bit of a turning point. After a long, tough Wednesday night, I returned to the Pinnacle Foundation page, and found the post where I had been introduced, with my photo and the blurb about what the support of the Pinnacle foundation meant to me. The last sentence I wrote was: “Having the Pinnacle Foundation behind me this year will boost my confidence and resolve to achieve great things and give back to the community in the future”, and that was what struck me. Yes, college has its downs. It has ups too. That’s irrelevant to the fact that I am here to achieve great things, for myself, for the world, to show my appreciation to the people sponsoring me and to even act as a role model for up and coming scholars and other young people in my situation.

Its easy to feel like the smallest thing on the face of the earth, but the fact is, as a Pinnacle scholar, I’ve been put before the public eye and I need to remember that. Not in terms of inhibiting what I do, but as a boost of confidence and motivation to stay strong and positive, and deal with problems instead of just complaining about them. Sometimes I will just need to put up with things, sometimes I’ll need to try to solve problems patiently and positively, but no good will come of being negative.

My issue with how other people are looking at me, and feeling like I’m perceived as a lesbian, is something my mentor is helping me with. I talked to him about this today, and he explained to me that I should try expecting nothing, and accepting everything- that is, to stop judging the looks other people are giving me as nasty, and be open to the fact that maybe they’re just curious about me, or even want to be friends. I haven’t really had a chance to try that yet. That’s why the title of this post is succeeded by ‘Part I’- I don’t know how it will go, but I’ll let you know.

By Ashton Brenton

Knowledge is Power

For my first blog post of the year, I would like to introduce myself. My name is Ying Hao Li. Ying Hao means vast ocean. The characters are written 瀛昊and the similar character, 嬴 is the family name of the first emperor of China. If the Chinese text renders properly, you can also see it is one of the most complicated characters to write. My mother had great hopes for me, clearly.

I can describe myself quite ordinarily of course. I am 21 going on 22. When I left high school I wanted to go to university to study as much as I can for as long as I can. I enrolled in a Bachelor of Arts (Media and Communications) and a Bachelor of Laws – so I could be there for six years, seven if I took an honours year for my Bachelor of Arts. I decided that I will study government in my Media and Communications course because I wanted to be a press gallery or court reporter. Like many other students I had a change of heart after my first year. I couldn't bear the intellectual punishment of committing myself to studying only government and only media to the exclusion of other subjects. So I exorcised the Media and Communications part of my degree and started taking the wide range of humanities that a Bachelor of Arts allows me. So I took philosophy and genders studies and majored in history. I am now in my final year of studies and I have the freedom to choose my law electives. So I chose again to broaden my horizons with a law honours thesis in administrative law, advanced federal constitutional law and tax. After this year, who knows where I will be. I hope to secure an appointment as a judge’s associate or work at a law firm.

But like my name, which at first seemed quite ordinary, these very trivial things can appear extraordinary.

Let me begin elsewhere however. In the book of Genesis, there was a story. It was a story about a man and a woman who gained the knowledge of good and evil. For their knowledge, and their insolence in obtaining that knowledge, they were expelled from the gated Garden of Eden. Because they would not submit, because they wanted the same knowledge possessed of their maker, they were exiled. But from their exile, civilization grew.

Regardless what you believe, there is a grain of truth to this story. A little knowledge is a dangerous thing. Alexander Pope thought knowledge was dangerous because a little of it will cause us to speak like fools. Perhaps he was unnecessarily patronizing. A fool will betray his ignorance whether armed with knowledge or not. For the rest of us, arming ourselves with knowledge is a dangerous thing for those who trade on power and oppression. A little knowledge, like a little flame in a dark room, will illuminate our surroundings and show us the walls that hold us back. 

The story in Genesis is apt to describe the study of the humanities. I studied law and government, philosophy, gender studies, and history because these pieces of knowledge equip me with the skills to question the way things are. And often knowledge means having knowledge of the questions that are never asked, let alone the answers to these difficult, difficult questions. So exercise your wits and ask questions. Let us ask, what does globalization means for individuals who do not share the profits of multinational corporations? Or is national security worth preserving if the means by which our government polices terrorism is by taking away the rights of its citizens? 

Don’t be complacent with the familiar and the ordinary. Test your limits and embrace the extraordinary.

By Ying Hao (Nathan) Li

A New Hope

Growing up I had a pretty bleak view of my future as a gay man. The world, as I saw it, was one filled with hate, intolerance and death. For those in the LGBT community, these three things seemed to me, to be not only inevitable, but also certain. Despite my large and supportive group of friends and the high marks I received in school, I thought that no one (especially not my family) would ever accept or love me once they knew who I was.

How very wrong I was.

Coming out for me was one of the most loving and incredible experiences of my life and in what seemed like no time at all, I had almost all of my friends and family standing strong by my side. This love gave me an incredible strength and confidence to face the world outside of the one I knew; the one that glitters and dazzles, the ‘gay’ world. Completely out of my comfort zone, I threw myself into every event, club and march possible, desperate to understand and experience a part of myself I had hidden and denied for so long. However, as the novelty of this new world slowly began to fade I found myself longing for more.

Once again my education became my focus and with my renewed passion for the LGBT community I began the second year of my degree in education as an out and proud gay man, determined to make a difference in the lives of LGBT teachers and youth. Unlike my first time coming out, I found the academic community lacking in support and an absence of LGBT peers, who like me strived to make the world a better place. Once again, I felt alone and the hope I once felt for not only my own future, but also others like me slowly began to dissipate.

Now that I have found The Pinnacle Foundation and met my fellow scholars that hope has come back with a force that I haven’t felt since my 80 year old Nanna, held my hand, looked me in my eyes and said (in her very broken English) that she would always love me, no matter who I chose to love. To the foundation I say thank you for your incredibly kind support and unwavering passion for education. To my fellow scholars I say thank you for giving me back my hope for not only my future but for the future of all kids, whether they be LGBT or not. If your passion, commitment and dedication to your careers are any indication for the future of equality in all areas of this country, there is no reason for I or any other LGBT youth to ever feel hopeless again.

By Matt Russo

The Next Chapter

Last weekend I attended the Pinnacle Foundation's first ever Scholar Induction. I got up at the crack of dawn to get on a train from the south west to Circular Quay and it turned out that I was amongst many deserving scholars who came from much further than me. As I participated in a myriad of activities in the Museum of Contemporary Art, I gradually got to know each of the scholars. At lunch we went out on groups of five and I went with one local and three interstate scholars. Everyone was extremely friendly and eager to get to know each other - which made me very frustrated that i was losing my voice because I wanted to talk to everyone.

The day wasn't only about socialising; it was full of some very wise speakers who shared their wisdom, inspiring stories and gave us useful advice. We learnt about or had a refresher course on goal setting and stress management. The best part of having these talks was having group conversations and learning from mentors and other scholars. By the end of the day, I think everyone felt a little more at ease about continuing with their education. Wether it be high school, TAFE, undergraduate or post graduate-study, we were all well equipped to take on the next exciting chapter in our lives.

Going out to dinner that night was a nice ending to the evening. We were all very relaxed and comfortable by that point so the conversations were flowing. After ordering dessert there was a sad feeling that came over me knowing that I might not see some of these amazing students again. Thank goodness for technology though because I can at least keep in touch with them on that level. We said our goodbyes at the entrance of the restaurant as everyone dispersed into different directions; into Taxis, back to hotels, back to the airport, back home.
The entire day made me feel so special and incredibly lucky. I am a part of the Pinnacle family and I will look back on this time in my life very fondly. 

As I write this, I realise I have just completed my first week of studying at Macquarie University. I started my first year with a lot less stress because of the support I have received from the Pinnacle Foundation. I look forward to doing my best and making my friends, family, mentor and tutors proud. 

By Daniela Ivana Barisic Sprem

Getting a job in the Information Industry with a wheelchair in tow

One thing about me: I have difficulty with mobility. I have been using crutches to walk increasingly since the beginning of 2010, and have used a wheelchair as needed since March 2012.

My current employer, FPWA Sexual Health Services, does not have an issue with this. Considering one of the services FPWA offer is sexual health education for people with intellectual disabilities, and the promotion of sexuality and disability, I have never felt that there was a chance I would be discriminated against because I can’t shelve the returns on the top shelves.

This year the Health Department received a 10% budget cut, and as they are our main funding body, those cuts have passed on to us. This means that in April, when my contract with FPWA runs out, they are unable to fund an extra staff member. I am not alone in this. A number of the Education Unit and the Clinical Services staff have also had hours cut, contracts not renewed, or been forced to resign.

So now what do I do? Before I got my wheelchair, I used to apply for jobs and not tell them I should be using crutches to walk. I would just limp heavily and take a handful of pain meds every day, which didn’t really work. After all, there is no way to prove it, but the moment you tick the box that says I have a disability or a medical condition, you know your CV goes to the bottom of the pile. Legally, I don’t even have to declare my disability until after I have a job offer, but a wheelchair is a bit hard to hide.

I am worried about finances. My partner is autistic and has bipolar disorder, and is unable to work. Right now, we are living off my wages, her pension, and my meagre Centrelink Newstart Allowance. Yet things are still pretty tight when we get to the end of each fortnight.

Because of my income levels, my Centrelink payments won’t change when I lose my job. This means that we are going to be relying on around $1000 per fortnight, for two people. That works out to $250 per person, per week. There is never much left after rent, and we are still trying to save money for the wedding.

I am worried about transport. Most library jobs are in public libraries, or in schools. Wherever I work, it needs to be easily accessible by public transport from the city. I can’t drive, and I am not eligible for taxi vouchers.

I am worried about my studies. I only have four units left to complete, and I am doing two units per semester (that is, Part Time). Hopefully, I should graduate at the end of next year, but usually you can’t get the librarian positions until your degree is complete, and Library Assistant positions have a lot of job competition. I want to work. I want to support my family. But when a local government official looks at me, they see someone who can’t reach the bookshelves. They don’t see someone with an education, a family to support, a wedding to save for, and a drive to succeed. All they see is the chair.

By Suzie Day

This post originally appeared on CatalogueThis.com