Day One

As I begin to look forward to starting the second semester of my first year at Uni I am filled with feelings of excitement and anticipation. It makes me look back to the beginning of the year when I had my first ever class after not studying for something like 6 years. I was an emotional wreck. If only I knew then, what I know now…

University Day 1, February 2012:
I walk into possibly the most frightening area I have ever stepped foot, an area so richly drenched in the scent of academia that I can hardly breathe. I couldn’t feel more out of place. I move awkwardly amongst the crowd trying not to be noticed, desperately avoiding anyone who looks as though they might disrupt my strategically planned route to my first ever University tutorial. This environment is so foreign yet at the same time appears strangely familiar. It has aspects which remind me of high school and for a second I feel as though I have reverted to my high school self. I clutch my shoulder bag as if it were my life force, or my safety blanket. My only objective is survival, if I last the distance from the entrance gate to my classroom I will consider it my first achievement. The first of many I hope. 

As I dash in and out of the crowd with a panicked expression I suddenly realise how ridiculous I must look and try to steady myself. It doesn’t work and I somehow manage to make things worse by cutting off other students whose irritation is vividly stretched across their faces. I spot the nearest open space and move towards it, as I try to regain my composure I notice a sign outside a building that reads, “Electrical Engineering.” HOORAY! This is exactly the building which houses the classroom for my first tutorial. I can’t believe my luck! By my (obviously ill-informed) calculations I shouldn’t be anywhere near here. Most would call it coincidence, but I’m going with intuition! Maybe I’m not such a fish out of water after all. As I scour the halls searching for my assigned room I begin to feel my anxieties rise once again, “What if nobody likes me? What if it’s all too much for me?” I find my room and enter it with apprehension only to be met with smiling faces and a polite “Welcome” from my tutor. I realise immediately how silly I’ve been and find a chair to call my own. As my neighbour engages me in conversation I start to feel a new sense of pride rise from within me. It comes from the depths of my soul and engulfs me with such force I can hardly contain it. I’ve made it to the beginning of my future and I can’t wait to get started.

By Steven Walker

Turning things around

Hi Ashleigh,

Tony & I have just finished marking the exams. During this process, we also keep track of students whose answers are particularly good. You’re one of these students. Your overall result was strong, but we just wanted you to know that the quality that impressed us most was your sensible approach to the scenarios.

Tony & I are looking forward to being involved in your education next Semester. We want to hear your voice in the Tutorials as well – your knowledge base shows you certainly have some useful information for your peers. Speak up!

Great work. Keep it up.

Regards

Cam, and on behalf of Tony.

- - -

Above is an email from my lecturers at uni, sent last Friday. When I got it I cried.

I will never, ever forget that moment.

Last year Cam and Tony would not have known I existed. They wouldn't have seen me during lectures, because I was at work during most of them. They wouldn't have noticed my marks, because I was barely scraping by. They wouldn't have noticed me in tutorials, because I was always running late from work and leaving early to go back to work, and spent the time in class staying as small and as quiet as possible, while desperately trying to catch up on what I had missed that week.

This email was sent to several other students. They will file it away with all the other encouragement they have ever received from their lecturers, parents and families. For me, it is stuck on my bathroom mirror, because it is the first time since I have started my degree that I have felt hopeful. It is the first time I have real hope that I might actually finish my degree.

Every single day I have struggled to stay with my education. Life has felt like a catch 22 – If you want to study at uni you need the money to buy books and pay rent and food and go to the doctors and just live, so you work a lot but when you work a lot you don't have time to go to uni or study for uni, so your grades begin to fail and it looks like you might not pass your courses, so you cut back your hours and fit some more study in, but then its harder to make rent so you get stressed and the fear of living on the streets forces you back to work everyday and you tell yourself that the basic essentials are shelter food and water and that education can come later, except that education is the way out of poverty, and you learnt that at uni, so you should just try try try to get this degree and don't give up just yet, just get through one more semester and it won't last forever and one day you will graduate.

Thanks to Pinnacle, that 'one day' is looking a lot more possible today, then it was a year ago. Why don't you better your odds? Put yourself in a better position. Make a Choice, to apply for a scholarship. Take a Chance that it might get accepted. Take the steps to Change your situation. Apply for a Pinnacle Scholarship today.

By Ashleigh Scriven

Breaking Family Traditions and Excelling

The semester is almost over and I’ve almost finished my assignment on ‘The Modern Nation State’. Although it may seem like a dry topic, I’m surprised how much I have personally learned from this assignment and how far my education has come. We had to read many academic texts with some about tradition to do this assignment, and it taught me a lot about my family and upbringing. My grandfather is very old fashioned German man. He is very controlling and the family treats him like a god. In this assignment, I learned about the ‘web of belief’ where figures that view themselves as authority or are born into it, get away with having their authority rarely if ever questioned.

This helped me to understand why he had such a problem with me. He assumed that I would drop out of high school and become pregnant at 16 and be on the pension just like my mother. I completely rebelled against him and became the opposite which was naturally who I am. I completed my year 12 VCE even while living in a refuge and have never even had sex with a man because I have never been attracted to them! Also as I identify as a man, I have never had any desire to ever carry a baby and am also on the waiting list to have a hysterectomy in the next month or so for health concerns.

He told me I would never go to university and I would never have a laptop because those things were for rich and smart people. While I am no where near rich, I am the only person in my family to pass year 12 VCE and go on to do a diploma. I am also getting an average of distinctions and next year will start my Bachelor of Psychology. I also have my very first laptop thanks to the Pinnacle Foundation and have completely smashed all of my grandfather’s wrong assumptions of me.

In being who I am, it gives hope to others who come from low incomes and uneducated controlling families. I hope that one day; my younger siblings will break free of these destructive traditional patterns and become all they can. I am proof that others can rebel against families who assume low of them and reach their full potential in not only their education but also in life.

Four months after chest operation & closer to the man I identify as.

By Anonymous

My reality check on Youth Work

When I first started Youth Work I use to think I knew it all and that it was simple. I thought I was going to be a female Dr Phil or something like that and ‘save’ people. I was so wrong. I have come to realise that things are a lot more complex and my values are going to be constantly challenged. Believe me some of the young people I have been working have pin pointed every single one of my values and picked them apart.

I use to be a strong believer in the metaphor ‘Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach a man how to fish, and he will eat for life.’ Now I realise there is more to empowering young people than that alone. Let’s consider: How do you know if they know how to fish or not? Maybe they know how to fish but they just need a rod? Do they even like fish? Perhaps they know a better fishing spot or a different technique? We should utilise our young people because they are the experts in what they want, need and how they feel.

Everyone has baggage and the baggage we come with may hinder our practice. You may think you understand the problem however your experience is not their experience. I remember when someone once said “If I can do it anyone can” I was sitting there thinking to myself “I’m glad I’m your client.” You may think you know the solution however personal experience may blind you from the bigger picture. Are we really helping this person? Or are we imposing on them?

When attempting to offer solutions or advice to ‘help’ someone be mindful that it does not compromise their network of relationships or conflict with their culture or values. This would often fail no matter how attractive or sensible they may seem. For example suggesting to someone to stop their substance use to improve their health, however this could mean that a person could lose their entire social network and may not know what to do with the extra spare time due to no longer using or scoring drugs. Therefore it is important to understand other’s world views. Who they are? How do they see they see the world and their place in it?

Sometimes the more I know, the more questions start to arise. You can never know it all. Youth Work is a journey that does not end and you need to keep on reflecting because nothing is simple or easy. Looking back now I am shocked at how much I have grown both as a person and a worker.

By Laura Partington

Breathe Through Your Nose

Imagine. You’re perfectly healthy. You have your good days and bad days, like most people. Only thing is, your bad days are far worse and far more frequent than most people. Sometimes things get so bad that you can barely breathe. It affects your quality of life. The worst part is that your illness is not easy to talk about. You don’t (usually) look sick.

Sometimes it strikes you in public. You’re having a bad day, something sets you off and one thing leads to another. The next minute you’re in a foetal position struggling to remember the breathing exercises your Psychiatrist taught you. Something about breathing through your nose. You’re crying and you’re not entirely sure why. Your chest feels ready to explode. If you survive this you might make it to work/uni/the party on time, right now you don’t care. You just want the world to stop for a minute so you can catch your breath.

I learned when I was diagnosed with this Anxiety Disorder that people can be cruel. They’ll sympathize with the kid who broke his leg or the girl who has severe diabetes. But when it comes to mental illness it’s out of sight out of mind. Don’t talk about it or you will suffer both the illness and peoples’ reactions to it, and stigma hurts. If people ask you why you’ve gained weight or vomit a lot or miss days off school or work, tell them you’ve got a virus. Don’t explain. They don’t want to know that your medication makes you ill or your anxiety is so bad that you can barely get out of bed, let alone leave the house. You’ll have a lot of viruses as a result.

They do care about you. But mental illness scares them, in part because they can’t see obvious physical signs of it. Seeing is believing in Western culture and as a result mental illness isn’t seen as real, except when you self-harm or your physical health suffers.

Well, after a decade of this, I’m pretty tired. Being tired at the age of 19 is not fun. I’ve been sick, made myself sick, missed school, failed classes, been physically and verbally assaulted, self-harmed, have scars, survived suicidal episodes, bad medication side effects (some of which are too graphic to write about here), last year I lived through the suicide of a family member, despair and the constant question: ‘when do I get better?’

I decided on my 18th birthday I wasn’t going to uphold the status quo by being quiet about my Anxiety Disorder. It wouldn’t be fair to me or the other people I know with mental illnesses, many of whom are LGBT. I’d like to think that honesty is the best policy and that it might help someone, somewhere. I know it helps me.

I’m not going to lie to you: I still struggle. I’m not depressed any more but the anxiety remains. There are days when I would rather eat my shoes than put them on and leave the house. Days like those I breathe deeply and remember that my phone has a lot of numbers in it. I can press a button and instantly be connected to someone who will listen. Honesty has allowed me to connect with people who can both support me and need my support. I feel loved.

I know that I am a strong, resilient person and that my struggle to get healthy is not in vain. I also know that mental health problems are extremely common amongst gay, lesbian, queer and trans* people. If we break the silence and support each other more, we can only get stronger as a community. And I know I love my community.

By Isobel Connell

Are your internet filters anti-gay?

Everyone has their own opinions regarding internet censorship. Whether it be nation-wide, at the office or school, or even in home, restricting access to information is a big deal.

In Australia, many schools don’t cover issues specific to youth with diverse gender and sexuality. Things like safer-sex is brushed over, or ignored completely. It is because of this that many young people at turning to the internet to get the kind of education their straight peers receive as a matter of course. For some, their home computer is fine. For others, their online privacy at home may be compromised for a number of reasons (shared computer, parental filters, public location). For many, their library computer is the next step.

Removing this access has a number of negative results. This can mean that our youth are prevented from connecting with the wider LGBTQ community, or finding out where else they can access information or support services. It can also be dangerous when such filters block information regarding safe sex. Perhaps most importantly, allowing these filters to block any reference to sexuality reinforces to vulnerable youth an idea that they are second class or abnormal, which is highly damaging to self-esteem and mental health.

Earlier this year, a high school in Missouri, USA, was busted for having internet filters which allowed students access to plenty of anti-gay content, while blocking websites which provided a positive or supportive view [ http://www.nytimes.com/2012/03/26/education/missouri-school-district-questioned-over-anti-gay-web-filter.html?_r=1 ]. This is not uncommon. All too often, websites like Exodus International is classified as ‘religious’ content, but pro-gay websites are listed as containing information of a sexual nature.

This form of discrimination is particularly difficult to spot, as users need to actively seek such information to discover its absence, rather than it being spotted in passing. But it exists, and everyone should be aware of the dangers of both free and commercial internet filter.

Want to see just how biased your internet filters are? Take a look at these links, and see just how many from either end of the spectrum have been blocked at your school, work and home.

Anti-gay websites

Exodus International [www.exodusinternational.org ]

People Can Change [ www.peoplecanchange.com ]

Living Waters Ministries [ http://livingwatersaustralia.org/ ]  -Promotes and provides “conversion therapy”

Bowers v. Hardwick [ http://www.law.cornell.edu/supct/html/historics/USSC_CR_0478_0186_ZS.html ] - A 1986 Supreme Court ruling that upheld a Georgia statute criminalizing sodomy

Westboro Baptist Church [ www.godhatesfags.com]

Klu Klux Klan [ www.kkk.com] -Notorious American hate-groups

Positive LGBTQ websites
Human Rights Campaign [http://www.hrc.org]

Equal Love [ www.equallove.info ] -Campaigns for marriage equality

GLSEN [ http://www.glsen.org ] -Gay, Lesbian and Straight Education Network

LAWRENCE et al. v. TEXAS [ http://caselaw.lp.findlaw.com/scripts/getcase.pl?court=us&vol=000&invol=02-102 ] - The 2003 Supreme Court ruling that held that laws in the US criminalizing sodomy were unconstitutional

Whosoever [http://www.whosoever.org ] - An online magazine for LGBTQ Christians

By Suzie Day

The Distraction Monster

I made a promise with myself at the beginning of my university study. Not to procrastinate. At the time I thought it was a reasonable decision to make, I thought I had grown out of the habit which I had so brilliantly perfected during my high school years. No one elected to tell me that university, aside from introducing a whole host of nasty essays into my life, unleashes a demon of unimaginable evil whose very existence is for the sole purpose of providing distractions, and illuminating otherwise uninteresting things. I’ve called this demon the Distraction Monster. Why had nobody given me the heads up about this guy? I have close friends who have completed university, yet none of them warned me! I think it is a massive oversight on their part, and makes me reconsider the closeness of our friendship. I mean imagine my surprise when I am seconds away from understanding the ins and outs of Marxism, and completely out of the blue I have an overwhelming urge to clean the barbeque… A barbeque I’ve not used in 6 months, let alone thought about cleaning. It doesn’t make any sense and can only be explained as the work of the Distraction Monster. It seems to me that people are either frightened of this monster, or enjoy his company. How else can you explain such widespread silence about his existence? Now I am certainly not frightened of this particular monster, but I may be able to explain why he is possibly welcomed on occasion.

My most recent encounter with the Distraction Monster was over the last weekend. I had two essays due and very little time to do them. I was a little anxious and ready to get them out of the way so I could relax and enter end-of-semester holidays as quickly as possible. I had sourced all of my readings and was just about to enter the study zone… and something happened. I can’t recall whether it was the colours, or the familiar voices, but I knew something about my environment had changed. I felt an incredible sense of excitement, a feeling of unparalleled bliss which could only come from one source… EUROVISION! I had completely forgotten it was happening, but knew there was no turning back now. The Distraction Monster had won, he knew my weakness and was only happy to remind me of it. Whatever chance I had of getting any work done was now completely out the window, but if I’m truly honest, I think I may forgive the monster on this occasion. It is Eurovision after all. 

By Steve Walker