Peter Baldwin’s session during the induction on dealing with stress, anxiety and shame really struck a few chords and provided me with some insight on myself.
Sometimes the “I’m not good enough stories” my brain tells me causes me to not try my absolute best or even completely avoid something. I fear if I do really try and do not succeed it may reinforce the “I’m not good enough” story my brain continuously tells me. Therefore I buy into them.
I loathe public speaking because my brain tells me “I’m not smart enough.” I have to force myself at times when I cannot avoid it and hope that I do not stutter or waffle on and say something silly or embarrassing.
I remember the night before my driving test I was so nervous I did not sleep at all. I felt almost certain I was going to fail. However I passed and got my license, then I thought why did I wind myself up over nothing? Why the hell do I do this to myself?
It is so annoying that my brain thinks it is being helpful by telling me these stories when it is actually doing the complete opposite. I guess I am my own worst critic and hindrance to achieving what I would like to achieve.
One of my goals for this year is to work on accepting these stories as just stories regardless of whether they ring any truth or not and perhaps work on my confidence. Now that I am aware of this I am sure I will make some progress.
I would like to thank the Pinnacle crew, mentors, scholars, and everyone else who rocked up for an awesome weekend and making it happen; I wish it did not have to end.
By Laura Partington